So yesterday I was flipping through the phone book, looking for a number when suddenly an entry caught my eye...

Motherfucking DRACULA!!!  The undead walk among us!!!  Don't let the different spelling deceive you, it's just a clever ploy to lure us all into a false sense of security!  Also, I'm pretty sure that Jiri is the Eskimo word for Count, but don't quote me on that one because the last thing I need is to be sued by another damn Eskimo, I tell you what.  Anyway, I'd say it's time to call in a professional on this one.

Aha!  I'd say the situation is well in hand now.  I feel confident that Simon's ancestors will have no problem irritating Dracula into submission with their trusty and non-lethal bullwhips once and for all! 

Also:

Haw haw haw!